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My Brain and Welcome to It

My Brain and Welcome to It

A view on random things along life's way. Written with comedic antidotes.

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Flash fiction


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Alta Burwell (United States)


My Brain and Welcome to It
I possess a brain. I have solid proof. In 1993, a team of doctors removed a pituitary adenoma. They informed my family and waiting friends, “She really does have a working brain in there and we almost thought it spoke”. So, since that day, I can tell the doubters and haters, I had human hands inside my head and they confirm, my crazy is a good kind of crazy.
We all see and feel things differently. That’s rather scary at times too. But, the scary going around inside of myself, is a blessing and curse. My views are more intense and mostly, well, unique.
That has taken me down many paths, trails, ravines, hills, tracks and rides. Just a heads up, hold on tight, it is going to be, something. Let’s go check this out now, ready?



Never test the fatesI have found, if you ever say, what next, you open up Pandora’s box. It’s an ugly box too. Really ugly. Whoever Pandora was still needs its place in this world. It has chosen to harass me. I am not alone in the box either. There’s loneliness, despair, frustration, sadness, bitterness, heartbreak and destitution. Let’s not forget the ugliest, judgmental. The worst kind of judgmental, past and present. The judgmental that has no clue what so ever what it talks about is the past. It brings it to the present for its own medicinal purposes. Don’t try to argue with it, that feeds it ugly to coyote ugly and we all know what that looks like. Learning to ignore isn’t easy but, necessary to put the lid back on. It’s not a genie in a box, its Pandora and its pissed.
What it doesn’t know, all that ugly only makes us stronger, eventually. Staying strong sucks huge balls and probably more painful than the actual ugly itself. But, once the lid locks behind you, the pride and relief of its demise is the highest feeling to achieve. Until next time its open.
Something amazing must be waiting, for all that ugly to attach itself to me these last 2 months. Don’t let the ugly keep you down either, even in the midst of it, there are many positive forces fighting with you. You just need to find them.
What’s your bottom?
The cliché, when you hit rock bottom there’s nowhere to go but up, left out some important things. First, you better be sure you stay in great physical shape. Like the rope we all hated to climb in school with coach yelling some support crap, when all we wanted to do was tell him to shove it. Who knew he was on the mark, cause going up takes strong stamina and determination. Along with a lot of prayer to God begging and bargaining we will be good if He pulls us through this mess. Next, you better stay sane. THAT’S the first thing that wants to bail after few days of hanging with you. Sanity isn’t stupid, it knows when to get out of dodge. It doesn’t believe in leave no man behind. Hold up Sanity, wait, I’m coming with you, comes yelling from your mouth. You watch it press the up bottom, as the doors close, you almost think you heard it giggle. Aww, my sanity wouldn’t leave me like that, would it? Enough said. I am on another mission to regain mine and put it in the time out chair, for a long time. It’s like a rebellious teenager. Just when you get it straightened out with every threat there is, it pretends its learned its lesson, only to test your last nerve right away, almost for shits and giggles. when mine gets back here, I have a big can of whip ass waiting.

Facebook: The new high school for old people too
It doesn’t take real smarts to notice, every face book user’s personality, good traits and their areas of insecurities. High school relived with a cyber kick.
Let’s break it down. If a user has a thousand plus friends, they need validation they can too, be in the” in” crowd. No one person can maintain a real ongoing friendship with so many others. Can you image their feeds? We would need to add hours, days, weeks, and years to the calendar just so, they could hold a job, have children, and sleep. Their drive to be redo what popularity they missed as teenagers speaks volumes.
Next, we have users that need to post every move they make every time they make a move. Really? Another area of popular being sought to fulfill what they lack in self-esteem and need for some demons they can’t correct because it’s too painful and hard. Denial comes in many packages. I can appreciate life’s daily struggles, I have many. But, some things shouldn’t be addressed on social media. I tell my kids that a lot. Posting unhealthy statuses for the worlds eyes only opens doors to much greater drama. Isn’t the starter drama bad enough? Handle it privately. Ask 2 of my precious sons the cost of that greater drama through bad judgement posts. It tore our whole family apart and family is everything. That kind of heart break can be repaired, if you get pride out of the way. We still await that, while hurting daily from the void of one son.
What about the users that changed their dating status every time they have one date? Not once, since being a Fb user has my status changed. It’s always said, SINGLE. Like a huge flashing neon sign on it, to make sure, no one misses the fact, Alta is alone. Man less. I just may die single too. But, those constant relationship status changes, show a need for love, in any way it can be achieved. Most likely, they didn’t feel that in their formative years. Can you say, Daddy Issues?
Lastly, the users that just want to reconnect and stay connected with lost friends, family, and memory’s dear to them. Keeping up with family spread out everywhere in an easy way we never had before the internet. Having a place to receive moral support, laughter when we need it, and knowing we do have others that truly care about us when we need hugs thru cyber space. Note…. if you fail to at least post weekly, your cyber support system dwindles. Another way to see who your real, live long friends are. They never bail, no matter what, how much time gone by, or you’re not so great side. That’s unconditional love.
can of whip azz with its name all over it.
Okay, next topic, masturbation. Just kidding. I have so much to express from 53 life living years. I am finding the journey exhausting but, worthy. I hope to full fill my dream of writing and sharing with the world, this amazing tale of my brain and how it has evolved, even without the master gland we all are born with for endocrinology purposes. Want to come along?


Competition: The Pen Factor 2016, Round 1

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Read Reviews

Review 1:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
  • Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing.
Character conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
  • I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
  • A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
  • Your strong opening was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
Original, clever, witty, and incredibly compelling. Truly a refreshing piece. Favorite line: "But once the lid locks behind you, the pride and relief of its demise is the highest feeling to achieve."

Review 2:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
  • Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
  • I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
  • Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
  • Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
It was somehow successful to be delighted with your story.

Review 3:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
  • Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
  • When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
  • Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
  • A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
  • Your strong opening was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 3:
I think this piece is clever. It needs work, in my opinion. Keep chiseling it until its form becomes unmistakenly clear.