The story of The Corelands is the story of the downfall of America and the dividing of the country. It begins with the story of Ann Burkhart, who grows up in well-to-do Raleigh, NC and through a series of adventures decides the best way to help the U.S. is to become president. From her position she tries to help as many people as possible, but her best laid plans do not work out as she had hoped.0
Frank Sanford (United States)
Competition: June 2015 Pen Factor, Round 1
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Opening line and hook
- Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!