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Sam

Sam

Our beloved but hapless mercenary adventurer, Sam Joehence, is pushed to the limits when he has to face not only human adversaries but supernatural deities as well.

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Action / Adventure


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Keifu Jofunsonu (United States)


First of all, and I'm just talking here, half of the time I don't really want a single job that's handed to me. There is such a thing as integrity, right? Last week? Hired to escort a foreign diplomat. Should have been the easiest thing in the world right? Wrong! Some dude from a rival quasi government decided to implement a bomb in the client's car. I mean he wanted this guy a stain in the middle of the street. He must have, because he used too much explosives, and blew this mansion halfway to Heck. I mean seriously, agents and spies? Wouldn't know a hand grenade from a used diaper, if there were ever a real difference. The point is, you'd think by now I'd have learned my lesson… Yeah. No.

Here I am again, with bullets flying, breaking the windows of this skyscraper in Washington, D.C. On the thirty-second floor in the artifacts room of a private collector who thought it'd be funny to stockpile these useless but somehow completely priceless artifacts from the government. And as I'm stuck behind cover of a granite stand, seeing how I could die, literally every 30 seconds, I'm wondering what I'm always wondering around this time… What was I thinking? One hundred and fifty thousand dollars for a simple smash and grab with a team? I should have looked up the background of these chumps. I mean look at this guy next to me. An Uzi in his hand with a silencer attachment, dressed in a black ops uniform. He's just as much Black Ops as I am the president.

He's shooting, but he ain't hitting. Top of the class my ass. Oh great, now he just got shot in the face. Should have worn a helmet. Come on Sam, be serious. You could die, like… right now. Frank's dead; or dead now at least. David looks like he's next. Even as I popped up and shot off a few rounds from my pistol I'm thinking I'm ready to bail! All this for a round, shining white orb of glass that refuses to stop shining. David's been dead for a few seconds now, and the bullets stopped flying… and I'd be a fool to stick my head out.

"Hey!... are you guys ready to negotiate or did you just run out of bullets... reloading maybe?!"

I've got this gift… or curse, call it what you want, but I can see into my future thirty seconds ahead. Only when danger is afoot and only when it wants to work. A pain my butt is what it really is, but somehow, the best lifesaver I've ever had. I stood up, despite the quaking of my boots throwing me off my usual finesse of composure. Found seven guns trained on me, three of which were reloading and one had been standing with his arms folded, cigar in his mouth, two scars across his face trailing from above his left eye down to his lips. Dressed in some cultish battle garments. Great… nut jobs. I knew then that even though I wasn’t getting flashes, they were gonna light me up with those tickle bullets as soon as they got the chance… because nothing screams evil like scars, right?

The scar spoke. “I am Mr. Claw. Your reputation precedes you.”

"Yeah well, I haven't really done anything reputation worthy. It's mostly been crying and fetal positions over here."

“I see our bullets haven't hampered your sense of humor.”

"Ha-ha, yeah I uh… I wish I was joking… anyway, I assume you need this shiny rock thingy because you're not shooting me."

“How very perceptive of you. If you hand that over, we'll let you go.”

The Truth hidden behind his words flew forward in the form of a scene. I handed over that skull, then I somehow became a magnet for bullets riddling my body. I fell through the full walled window behind me. And I became a human flapjack for Sunday morning brunch.

See this is why I need to get out of this business.

"Mr. Claw? Yeeeah. I have a feeling that you’re lying to me, so here's what we're gonna do."

I replied, taking careful steps toward David's limp body juggling this little annoying white turd in hand. As long as I was doing this, I knew he wouldn’t give the kill shot. Because I’m already clumsy; God Knows that I'll drop this if anyone spooks me. I’m not super intimidating honestly. I mean dreads, a stoner hat and jacket with a Alice in Chains t-shirt. And black jeans. Oh no, terrifying. But that gives me the edge sweethearts. When you look like me no one expects you to amount to anything. But this guy was bad news. He looked the type to never stop chasing you until he was planted in the dirt.

"I'm gonna slip on this dead guy's parachute. Annnnd, I'm gonna jump out this window here. I'll probably kill you on the way out because I really don't like you. Then I'm gonna sell this to my client at double rate. Because I'm allergic to bullets, and my antibiotics cost a fortune in green paper."

I finished telling him how it is, around the same time I slid the parachute on. I raised my pistol and squeezed the trigger. A bullet flew out and passed through his frontal lobe, spraying out the back of his head. I let these suckers shoot at me, they miss of course, but the windows behind me shatter and I’ve got my opportunity.

And while I’m jumping out the window in a hailstorm of gunfire, looking all BA and what not, I started thinking about those two dead clowns up there... David and whatever his face was? What the f*** did they bring parachutes for? And why did they only have two of them? Dirty suckers man, double crossing chumps were gonna screw me before I got the chance to. It’s a good thing these guys knew there would be a fight though. But then, this even more BAD ASS guy comes to the edge of the window with this even more BAD ASS rocket launcher! And Then-!

“Excuse me sir, but I fail to see how any of this is relevant to the job description of which you were approached for.”

Dirty old man… interrupt my story. I was just getting to the good part! See, this is why I never tell these things at interviews. I'm a mercenary but I never get any recognition. Three suited guys, looking like they just attended a funeral, sat at this long table in this ballroom. Weird place to have an interview, but then again, when has normal ever been a part of my life? The ones to the sides were as generic as they come. Might as well have been Siamese dog turds. But the one in the middle? The hard ass? That’s Mr. Redero. We were acquainted on the phone and he’s less impressed with my jokes in person than he was on the phone. Preposterous right? Because I'm pretty funny.

“Mr. Rodero. Can I call you Rodeo?” I paused, trying my luck again. I should really learn when to stop. “Yeah?... I’m guessing no. You told me to list off my accomplishments and latest endeavor and I was doing so.”

I wanted to continue, wanted to tell him that his hair piece looked like a slab of zombie flesh but my chances were already slim, despite being over-qualified for this gig. Probably shouldn’t have told him about that botched bodyguard job few months ago. But they cleaned the stain up. Everything worked out in the end. For me, not the client.

The bad hair piece spoke up again. “You were rambling about explosions and gunplay. This is a more relaxed job.”

“Tell that to your clenched dung-hole.”

I thought I whispered it but evidently I didn’t. Mr. Rodero’s face mirrored my initial projections of how he looked over the phone. The stare of disgust and judgment. This was the best part - no… wait, the part where he looks down at my extensive, and ever dazzling resume that’ll turn most providers of jobs into affirmed Buddhists. That would have most clients rethinking their sanity but Mr. Rodero decided that perhaps an extremist is what they needed.

Now, if I had my client’s best interest in mind and the safety of whatever little spoiled brat I’d be looking after, I’d have told them that I was the wrong man for an escort job. A terrible babysitter and quite allegedly, a baby extortionist. Please don’t ask how you extort a baby! Since I don’t, and quite frankly I’d kill Mr. Rodero for free, and probably steal the cuffs off his funeral garms out of spite, I’ve decided to pretend I said something… and really won’t.

“Now, what did you said your name was again?”

Let’s add dementia to his list.

“Sam… Sam Joehence.”


Competition: June 2015 Pen Factor, Round 1

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Read Reviews

Review 1:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
  • Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading!
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
  • A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
  • Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!

Review 2:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
  • Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading!
Technique and tight writing
  • When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
  • The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
  • I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
  • Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
  • Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!