Hello, My Name Is Diondra

Hello, My Name Is Diondra

This chapter is about a girl named Diondra that has recognized that she has one of the greatest gifts in the world: The gift of writing.


Coming-of-age / Young adult fiction


Yall Hate (United States)

Hello. My name is Diondra and I have a gift. Several gifts actually. I have a gift in writing, a gift that god has chosen for me. He blessed me with words that flow like the ancient sea. He blessed me with the fire and strenghth inside of me that sends my mind, arm, and hand into overdrive. A magical gift that not that many people have the wisdom to discover. It's almost as like having two diffrent voices because no one says the same thing that they will write on paper outloud. And with this amazing gift that i was cursed with, I will survive. Because now you see that this gift of mines has given me life. Life that my dear warriors had on the battlefield. My battlefield is paper and i am the warrior. With this amazing gift, oh my, i will do much more. Turn it into a career maybe. Not many people have this gift. Therefore, i am special. Hello, My name is Diondra and i have a gift. A glorious gift,that god has chosen for me.

Competition: June 2015 Pen Factor, Round 1


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Review 1:

Compelling hook?


Strong characters?


  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Character conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Point of view
  • Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.