Beyond the Blue Kite
Beyond the Blue Kite
Over the course of a weekend, Brian McFadden-Brant falls into a downward spiral both helped and hindered by his mother and grandfather who, on the one hand, enable him with painkillers and, on the other hand, stabilize him with his prescription anti-psychotics. Brian continually attempts to escape reality, and the reader is dragged into his vivid hallucinations, a mix of memory and projected anxiety that show his disintegration. In the end, Brian is led down a manic and drug-fueled path by his cousin that culminates in a fatal confrontation with his dad, who has long been absent from Brian’s life.1
Richard tattoni (Canada)
Competition: Friendly feedback, Round 1
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
- Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come!