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Revenge is Necessary Chapter 7.

Revenge is Necessary Chapter 7.

With the investigation into the murder of Sir Arthur Kingsward underway, DCI Marsden and DS Rosie Barnes find a warped type of amusement in the latest evidence found.

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Crime / Suspense / Mystery / Thriller


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G. Rosalyn West (United Kingdom)


Chapter 7 - Saturday 2.1.2010
“Sir Arthur Kingsward didn’t bother to use his discretion when he wrote in this. Couldn’t trust his memory by the looks of it.”
Rosie took her eyes off the road for a moment and glanced over at her boss. His usual look of stern concentration was tinged with humour as he thumbed through the old red note book of the late Sir Arthur Kingsward.
“Listen to this,
‘Friday 17th November – never ask for this one again, too old and tired-looking. I liked the redhead though; she really wanted to please me. Nine out of ten.’
Seems he went in for a number of ménages a trois.
‘Friday 24th November – had ‘Rusty’ again. Loved the school uniform and the new girl performs well. Nine out of ten for Rusty and five for the newbie.’
They all have the same telephone number, so it looks like an agency of some kind – or even a pimp. That could be an interesting interview.”
DS Rosie Barnes continued to watch the country road that twisted and turned in front of her. A faint curve on her lips was the only indication of her amusement.
“There’s a Nigel Kingsward here with his telephone number. I’ll let you deal with that one Barnes, while I tackle whoever’s behind these girls. On the other hand that won’t work. I’m due in court on Monday. You can handle both interviews, take DC Wright with you.”
Rosie continued driving towards Scotland Yard, listening to the amusing and not so amusing comments made by Arthur Kingsward, as read out by her boss.
“How is DC Wright coming along Barnes?”
“Fine, Sir. She shows a keen interest in every case and I think her main asset for us will be her computer skills. She needs to toughen up a bit though, but don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on her.”

On their arrival at the Incident room, Rosie was glad to see the murder squad was already gathered for a quick debrief. The noise of several people talking at once, dulled to a rumble as Rosie entered the room with DCI Marsden following in her wake.
“Right everyone, listen up.”
He strode directly to the information board, pristine in its lack of data,grabbed a thick felt-tip pen, and swiftly wrote across the board as he spoke,
“Our victim is, Sir Arthur Kingsward. Barnes will be adding to this info on the board as and when, but for now what I want from every one of you is hard work and results. The photos from SOCO will be with us shortly, although some of you may have already seen the body.”
A sniggering and whispering hummed around the room, and all eyes turned towards Wallis. David Marsden had already been informed by the forensic pathologist that Wallis had made a hasty retreat when he saw the corpse. He decided to ignore the obvious remarks and continued,
“Sir Arthur Kingsward. Sixty-three years old. Chairman of an investment company called Excelsior Trust Ltd. Married to a Penelope Kingsward. Had an apartment in London where his body was found, and his marital home is in Surrey. Having met his wife today, I can understand why he kept a flat in London. No love lost there.”
Marsden held aloft a deep red leather-bound book,
“This is a note book with the names and contact details of a number of women. Against the names of these women are their scores out of ten. He liked them young and easy. Wallis, I want you to check out the wife’s background and see what you can come up with. I didn’t like her attitude, and considering what hubby got up to in his spare time, she could be a suspect. We’re awaiting results from forensics, but it may take some time – they’re snowed under. In the mean time we have lots to be getting on with. Barnes and Wright, I want you to deal with Mr Nigel Kingsward after you’ve discovered who’s behind the phone number in this book. I’ve got a feeling it’s an agency of some kind that supplied the women. Get in touch and don’t take no for an answer. If you have to get stroppy with them, get stroppy, and tell them they’re better off dealing with a couple of sympathetic women police officers, than a bunch of coppers who would have more than murder on their minds.”
All the young men present moaned loudly and smiled - he knew his team so well.
“DC Wright, I know you were at the murder scene longer than anyone else, so you can come up here and give us all the state of play so far.”
Whistles and cat calls erupted as Terri Wright stood up to make her way to the front of the room towards Rosie, who gave her a smile to boost her confidence.
Taking a deep breath, she nervously smoothed her hair to hide her ears as she weaved her way around the desks and chairs, smiling at the good-natured banter. As she reached the information board she turned to face the team, and waited calmly for them to settle down,
“DS Barnes and I were first on the scene. Kingsward’s cleaning lady was in a state of shock – she was the one who discovered the body. I remained at the scene while the forensic team carried out a thorough investigation of the apartment. It took them a long time and they are still in the process of evaluating the evidence.
I bagged the murder victim’s personal belongings. There was a set of keys, a briefcase, which was locked, a Rolex watch still on the victim’s wrist and five hundred pounds in fifty-pound notes on the bedside table. All of which would indicate that this was not a burglary. I know that forensics found a broken fingernail lodged in the ropes that bound Mr Kingsward to the bed, and a number of long blonde hairs. Other objects, such as a bloodstained leather whip and various items of underwear, were also removed.
“They did, however, find several fingerprints on the bedroom door, back of the sofa and on the edge of the front door. They will be letting us know as soon as possible if the owner is on file.”
Terri couldn’t stop her gaze being drawn like a magnet towards Wallis, whose face had faded to a pasty white. She couldn’t quite remember his exit from the apartment, but he had made plenty of noise in his efforts to escape and throw up anywhere but the murder scene.
“DC Wallis joined me soon after DCI Marsden and DS Barnes left, and we carried out enquiries with the other inhabitants of the building. All tenants were out at the probable time of death, celebrating New Years Eve, except for an elderly couple on the ground floor, who didn’t want to be out in the cold. But they all thought the gentleman in 5B was very quiet and kept himself to himself.”
“So nobody saw anything?” enquired Tom McBride, who had recently returned from a spell with another station. Rosie Barnes looked over at Tom, her heart giving a little jump as their eyes met briefly. They hadn’t talked since his return, and she knew she would have to clear the air with him, or it could cause unwanted conflict between them. Terri Wright continued,
“That’s right Tom, but when the cleaning lady relaxed she opened up a bit. After the shock of seeing so much blood soaking through the bed sheet, she threw up. I informed SOCO about the vomit Sir. She knew what went on there and was paid handsomely to keep quiet. However, Mrs Burdock did mention one occasion when Lady Kingsward came to the flat and left with an old suitcase, she didn’t know what it contained though.”
DCI Marsden joined her at the board and faced his team,
“Thank you DC Wright, good report.”
Terri gratefully reclaimed her seat and earnestly studied her notes, trying hard not to show her embarrassment and pride at being chosen to give an update.
“From what DC Wright has said, I think we’ll have a fairly long wait for any forensic evidence, but we do have those finger prints. McBride get the info from forensics and look into those for us, and Wallis, you can gather up any CCTV footage we may have on that area. Right! Get to it and find me some answers. Carry on Barnes.”
David Marsden strode out the room and left Rosie to finish up the briefing,
“Okay everyone, apart from the specific lines of enquiry, the rest of you can canvass the area near to the apartment block. Let’s get the boss what he wants guys, and I don’t want any of you cutting corners. This will be a fairly high profile case and no doubt will attract the attention of our superiors. ‘By the book’ is the byword here – and no mistakes.”


Competition: Friendly feedback, Round 1

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Review 1:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
  • Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
  • A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
  • Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
Your writing is fast paced and progressive. There are alot of characters (I wish I had read the first six chapters) and it is a little difficult to get a good grasp of the protagonist in the story. There is alot of good dialogue, but I think the chapter would have benefitted with a little more setting that would lend a bit more context to the characters. But overall, I like the pace of the chapter. It makes me want to read the first six chapters and definitely the next few chapters. Well done.

Review 2:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Character conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading.
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
Interesting and enjoyable story. I wanted to keep reading to see what happens! I would have liked to know more what the characters looked like.

Review 3:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Main character
  • Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
  • When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
  • The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
  • A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
  • Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 3:
Now this review may seem a bit harsh, and perhaps it is, but let me explain... I watch a crap-ton of crime shows on TV as you find out a whole lot quicker who did it than you would reading a crime book. I know, I'm lazy. What I'm getting at though is that I'd like to believe I have a fairly comprehensive idea on how the majority of crime scenes play out and how involved it is. You did very well to accurately portray this process and included a sufficient amount of characters to give the crime a sense of depth and involvement. However...it's that very typical concept of how a crime goes from happening to being solved that didn't sell me here. I would love to see a much more complex set of scenarios and character interactions that make your crime story stand-out against the multitude of crime-based portrayals out there. Your grammar and spelling was actually pretty fluid. There were a few sentences here and there where a comma would've been useful or the rearrangement of a piece of dialogue would've made it smoother to read. I think you've got a good starting point though. If you can take your concept and wrap it in darker and more chilling vocabulary and set the picture somewhere almost surreal with equally mysterious and unusual characters, you'd have the best foot forward as far as having a very fresh, intriguing, not-your-run-of-the-mill crime tale.